signs from the universe...by shay
It want to share something very personal in Shay's Warriors today. As time goes on, life happens, and apparently so do pandemics. Something no one saw coming and cannot control remarkably like a cancer diagnosis. There are so many up and down emotions to “the unknown.” Be it cancer or pandemic. It’s the cancer roller coaster. In the beginning you start at the bottom disbelief, worry, fear of loss or even death. Then you start to climb seeing glimpses of hope, love, and positivity from friends, family and the community coming together for good. But then as time lingers on and the fall of fear adds bumps of anger, loss, rage, and judgement start to set in. The unknown can bring out the best and worst in any human. A divide can start to happen among those you love. Everyone has their own opinion of cancer just like in this pandemic. To leave your house or not to… that is the question??
So, I ask, who do you put your faith in?
Yes, my message today is about FAITH. Now before you scroll past this message or think it is me trying to tell you to what religion to pray to it is not. It is about something deeper and more personal. When my cancer journey began 4 years ago, I like many others, had an outpouring of love and support. People all over the world telling me to stay strong, have faith, keep positive. You know mind over matter kind of stuff. That is exactly what I did. I dug deep and even though I had some really bad days, I stuck to my faith that if I had a purpose this was part of it. If I was meant to live though my extremely aggressive form of breast cancer I would follow the path of continuing to help others who also had to walk the same one.
Last year as many of you know Shay's Warriors became a 501(c) (3) with the support of many of my closest friends. It can be challenging to work on something so remarkably close and personal to you alongside those you love. Nevertheless, we did it and I am extremely grateful for where we are today because of it. I have grown so much as an individual personally and professionally and have a greater understanding of relationships because of it. As tough as it is to start a non-profit I never gave up my vision to help others. Nor stray from my faith that our mission can be achieved. Many nights staying up way past my bedtime into the wee house of the morning brainstorming, writing, strategically planning what the possibility of SW could look.
Fast Forward to our current situation again, something that is similar and parallel to living in a new cancer diagnosis. Because you are given the diagnosis and right away have a feeling of loss of control and the unknown, until a treatment plan is formed how you will proceed. Like the stages of the grief, denial, confusion, shock, fear. Then anger or depression set in the sense of being overwhelmed. Finally, the bargaining and acceptance of moving on. The unknown of FEAR can simply paralyze us whether cancer or pandemic. During this pause of life I have done what I do best, putting one foot in front of the other just like when I went through cancer. If there is one thing that I learned going through what I did, it is that if we can keep our hearts open our fear turns to faith. Faith is what keeps us moving forward.
Fast forward again to now, along with many other cancer survivors and immune suppressed individuals we find ourselves in a familiar place of the unknown with COVID19. For some of us, fearful once again, of leaving our homes and sometimes something as simple as picking up a package at the mailbox or going to the grocery store. Here, all of us, cancer or not are at a time of loss. The loss of control and fear of the unknown….
For Shay’s Warriors, a newer non-profit, it has been one of the most challenging and rewarding times for so far. Like many other non-profits we have had to shift our focus, cancel, or postpone fundraising events. With this mission being very personal, not only to me, but the others that are a part of it, we understand firsthand what it is like to go through or see a loved one go through cancer. We want others to know they are never alone. We want to help build a community that binds together even after the treatment is done by sharing, inspiring stories of faith, hope and what it means to live life in color. Anyone who watches the news or stock markets most recently, I am sure questions how will our economy survive? I know I have. I have also asked myself how will Shay’s Warriors survive? How can I ask anyone to donate to us, a grassroots non-profit organization, who didn’t even have the chance to complete its inaugural event? How can I ask my board to be more involved in building our mission when many of them are so uncertain what their own future looks like? How can I continue to ask for money for our mission to give back when to some it may seem frivolous or unnecessary to others in what we do? Over the past month my heart has been so heavy watching the world unfold. Seeing so much fear and anger being acted out on social media. It has been overwhelming at times. The words “we are in this together” does not reignite as it once did. In my lifetime I have never seen such a divide in my fellow humans. My heart and mind over the months have felt hopeless, helpless, and anxiety driven. Bringing back the traumatic feelings and emotions of my once cancer journey. Fear, that four letter word reared its ugly head again.
When my annual board meeting came up there were some changes. Changes I dreaded but have learned from. Over the past year, I dreaded being in a leadership position among friends, because I do not want to disappoint them. I also have been extremely fearful of failure in the mission of helping others whom I have not even met yet. About a week before our board meeting, I had decided that maybe Shay’s Warriors was just not meant to be. It served its purpose over the past 4 years and we have helped many women and men understand what life after cancer is like. I had made up my mind to tell my co-founder and friend, our attorney and our board that I didn’t think it was possible to do what we wanted to do. To ask for forgiveness and find a way out to just go back to normal. My heart was so sad and heavy, and I felt very alone, and questioned my purpose.
Shay’s Warriors has given me purpose in life after cancer. It also is a way I justify why I went through what I did. I believe that everything teaches us a lesson and it is a gift you do not waste if you are given a second chance. So, the same day I was going to tell my friends this I had not slept much. I woke tossing and turning only to be thinking about letting so many people down and failing. I do what I do for the honor and memory of those I met along the way and have moved on in their next journey of life. A silent promise I had to myself in a chemo chair one day. A barter with God that if he allowed me to live, I would let others know they are never alone even after cancer. I wanted to give up because without the different kinds of support, fundraising and the world being turned up side down, I knew I would not have any fight in me left to move forward. Until incredibly early that morning when I woke up and I grabbed my phone. I looked at the news, read a few emails then opened my Facebook page. I opened it up to my friend Liz Gelber Way’s post where she shared a story that her brother had wrote about their father. https://www.facebook.com/iworldoftravel/photos/a.2364985963726832/3340105016214917/?type=3&theater Liz and I go back a few 15 years. I have never met her brother, but we have shared many conversations about family and the love for our fathers. When I went through cancer, she was there for me in gentle ways of support. When I lost my dad she was there for me when I needed to talk on a few occasions. When her dad passed, I knew how close the bond of her and her brother shared with him. Again, I have never met her brother, but I decided to read his story. As I began, it was like reading my own story unfold. His story, as I shared with you above in the link is about the number 18. How this number has had a huge significance in his life on leading him to where he is today. It was also about his and his fathers love for elephants and their loyalty and strength in never giving up. In the end asking and telling the reader he knows more than ever his purpose in life. And since his father’s death signs of that purpose keep showing up for him and his sister. As I sat up in bed crying – this was my sign. If you have followed my story from the beginning, you know that the #11 has been apart of my journey since the day 1. Just like in his story the #18. Repeatedly in both our lives our numbers have shown up since we were young children. I have a 2-page book now on all the dates that my number sign has shown up for me. This man whom I have never met was telling me to look at the sign – Not to lose faith because I am with my purpose.
Here is where it gets even crazier….
If you are a numbers geek you will get this:
My birthday is November 19th (11/19)
(9-1=8 Liz’s brother’s birthday,11/8)
(9+1= 10 Liz’s dad’s birthday, 11/10)
Are you starting to see the pattern yet?
I am a Scorpio, so are they.
We are driven, strong and rarely give up.
This Article that Michael wrote was published on April 29th., 2020 (2+9=11) ( 2020 = 1010+1010 see the 11’s?)
My dad taught me to never give out my real birthday on surveys and stuff that did not matter. He was overly cautious on identity theft I guess. So he told me to put down a day off my birthday November 18th- (The number 18). Another sign coming through…. strong. I also have elephants all over my home. In fact, one right next to my bed-stand reminding me to stay strong and never give up always lead with love.
Well, remember I told you that the #11 was big in my life? Well it is my angel number that guides me. It reminds me not to lose faith and to share my story. Shay’s Warriors- had allowed me to do just that. I hope that it has helped others and maybe even some of you over the past 4 years. Shay’s Warriors is not for money, it is not for fame. It is a place to share, to love, to encourage, to live our hope in color. and to feel safe. Because, I believe, by sharing, loving, and educating in life after cancer we can help others heal.
As I got ready to close my phone and this page of reading what Michael wrote I looked at the elephant photo he posted. The little heart and likes that you can give a photo on Facebook said #11!!! YES, 11 people that morning liked or loved that photo before me. That was my sign! My sign not to give up. My sign that my purpose is real if I just have the FAITH to keep following the signs.
That is why I have shared this story with you and why I continue to move forward with Shay’s Warriors even in a pandemic and the midst of change. The way things were may never be again and keep the faith that a new normal will bring you a new purpose of hope in helping others. Sometimes God shows us these signs through others when we least expect it.
Keep the faith everyone- today is not my chemo day, but it is somebody’s
with love-
Xo
Shay