my name is meli, i am a breast cancer survivor

Hi there! I’d like to introduce myself: My name is Melina Williams. Most of my friends and family call me Meli or Mel. I was born and raised in Southern California, and I moved out to the Midwest sometime during the COVID19 pandemic. I have 4 dogs, two German Shepherd mixes and two Pomeranians which all have their own unique personality and quite frankly do not lack on the dramatics.  They keep me busy but also provide so much love and comfort. I am happily married to an amazing husband who is so supportive and quick to remind me to laugh when life gets too serious. Hard work and dedication led me to a career with a government agency that I truly love and that allows me to pursue other opportunities such as writing for WebMD. 

In 2018, just shy of my 32nd birthday my boyfriend, who I am proud to say is now my husband, noticed a lump on my breast and right then and there was when I did my first own breast exam at his direction believe it or not. I felt the lump which very much felt like one of those rubber balls people play ball on a courtyard with and hit against a concrete wall. It was large but hidden deep within my chest, close to my heart. I was scared but I did not bring myself to even start to think it could be something bad and refused to say the C word after all I was young, and unfortunately very wrong. It was only after my birthday and after a trip to Costa Rica that my boyfriend threatened to stop date nights if I didn’t make an appointment with my doctor. I think something within me knew that my life would change forever and therefore my hesitancy. I was afraid, a fear I could not describe but it was very much alive and within me. I finally made the appointment; it was after all time for my annual checkup. At that appointment I pointed out the lump before the breast examination and after she completed her full examination my doctor let me know that she was recommending a breast ultrasound just to be safe. 

It was April and I remember the sky was gray and cloudy. I thought to myself “looks like it might rain”. I remember getting to the appointment early as I had left work earlier so I could ensure to arrive on time. There the room was cold, and I remember looking at the screen while the technician conducted the ultrasound and thinking to myself that looks like the ghost character in the Pac Man game.  Afterwards the technician advised me that the breast radiologist would take a look at the images before I got dressed in the event, they needed additional pictures. When the technician came back in she let me know that no additional images would be needed and she said some words I will never forget: “I’m sorry, it's not good” she continued by saying my doctor would contact me the next day. I just stared at her not really understanding what she had just said. I heard the words but it’s like my brain could not process what I had just heard. I was lucky that my doctors moved fast and within days I had had a mammogram and two biopsies. The day I left my second biopsy, right as I was leaving the parking lot of the medical facility, my doctor called and asked me to meet her at her office. I already knew. All the nurses and doctors I had seen had all told me that they were sorry and that I was too young and that they would pray for me. Although I appreciated their sympathy I had not been officially told by my doctor and perhaps was still in shock from what I was living through. It was like holding my breath. 

My mother was with me that day, she had been driving me to my appointments because I was a mental wreck. Within minutes of our arrival the nurse escorted us to the back room where my doctor stepped in almost immediately. I had known my doctor for about ten years, she was amazing and in fact was part of the same doctor’s office that had taken care of my mother and sisters for many years. I trusted her and she knew it. She took my hand and said “it’s cancer” she went on to give me more detail, but I really felt like I could not hear anything after that. Tears were running down my face and she hugged me and my mom. I will never forget the compassion she showed us that day. She let me know I would be taken care of at UCSD. Sure enough, I wholeheartedly believe I received the best care there. My UCSD medical team moved quickly and chose the best treatment for me. I was battling stage III, grade III er+pr+HER2- breast cancer and had no time to lose. I was given 10 days to complete any fertility preservation if desired and with the help of friends and family we were able to pay for the fertility preservation treatment that is not paid for by most insurances. My husband and I were able to freeze twenty-one embryos with the hopes of one day becoming parents. I did six months of chemotherapy and immunotherapy and was restaged to Stage II. The treatment work, my tumor had significantly been reduced and there were no longer signs of lymph node involvement.  A week after my last infusion I ended up in the ICU for a week and there I discovered that the treatment I had received to save my life permanently damaged my pancreas and my adrenal glands. During my stay at the hospital I learned about insulin injections, steroid dosages and so much more. It was very overwhelming, and I was still not done with my cancer battle. In December of that year, I had surgery to remove the remaining cancer and lymph nodes. In February of 2019 I started radiation treatment and completed 33 rounds. I finally achieved no evidence of disease; the sweetest words one can hear. In late 2020 I had breast reconstruction surgery. 

The cancer community is a group that one never wishes to be a part of and often time thrown in due to diagnosis. However I will say something I’ve repeated many times and that is; the cancer community is made up of so many amazing individuals who beyond everything they have gone through , are still will willing to take the time out of their day, set their pain aside and take whatever energy they have left to reach out and let you know they are there for you. They become your tribe, your community, they are your people. This reason and many other more is why I volunteer in any way possible within the cancer community. I volunteer as a treasurer for the Young Breast Cancer Project which focuses on breast education and awareness. This cause is extremely important to me because pre and post diagnosis, I often heard “you are too young to have cancer”. These words often made me feel more isolated than I was already feeling. Another organization I volunteer for is YSC (Young Survival Cancer) as a Face 2 Face Coordinator for my regional area. Community is so important, and YSC was where I found my community. Here is where I learned that I was not alone, there are so many young people that receive a cancer diagnosis and YSC creates a safe space for us to meet others like us. And more recently I volunteered to write for Shay’s Warriors life after cancer after attending their 2023 I Am Hope Retreat specialized for cancer survivors. I love their mission to inspire, connect and empower cancer survivors while promoting one to heal through health fitness and mind-body connection. 

In fact, the 2023 I Am Hope Retreat was my very first retreat, ever, to attend. With all my medical conditions and chronic illnesses after breast cancer it can be scary and intimidating to leave a place of comfort. I applied thinking I would not get selected but figured, why not. I was so excited when I received a call from Shay letting me know I was selected to attend the retreat for cancer survivors free of charge all I had to do with pay to travel there. I was nervous thinking of worst case scenarios but with encouragement from my husband I accepted and booked my flight out. Traveling for the first time alone in five years required lots of planning but I was excited more so than scared. I really loved how Shay’s Warriors Life After Cancer team curated a community even before arriving. The Facebook group for the retreat made me look even more forward to my trip because I was no longer going to meet complete strangers. I enjoyed posts and conversations in the group prior to the retreat and was excited to put a voice to those pictures and words I saw on my screen.  I was able to coordinate a ride share with two other retreat goers furthermore not arriving alone but with friends. Since all three of us had traveled we checked in and grabbed a bite to eat. We shared a little bit about each other and had great conversations. I felt welcomed, I was amongst my people. 

Everyday there were activities that included movement, yoga, meditation, writing, sharing, music, crying and laughter. I felt safe and seen. The food was nutritious and flavorful. The staff at the resort were extremely professional and courteous. The rooms were clean, comfortable, and spacious. The scenery was breathtaking but what really made this experience unforgettable was everyone there, from the other participants to the coaches, musicians, and Shay’s Warriors team members.  This experience allowed me to process, speak and listen. It also taught me to speak from “I” which is so powerful. There was no judgment and the level of support and love felt throughout the entire retreat was out of this world. The last night of the retreat we had an amazing dinner and then it was time to dance. It was such a blast! On the last day of the retreat, I had to leave early due to my flight leaving earlier in the day. I knew that I would be leaving to gain my new chingona sisters. I packed up all my goodies and said goodbye for now. I will forever cherish my memories there. 

One of the hardest parts of being a survivor is after active treatment is completed, you are expected to continue life as if nothing happened. You are left with all the side effects, the trauma and life adjustments. Some try their very best to pick up where they left off but how do you do that when your life has been turned upside down? Finding a community is so vital to our survival and healing process. Shay’s Warriors Life After Cancer provides that and I am eternally grateful for everything they do.