living with cancer, part 1...by donna.
My name is Donna. I am a Mom, I am a Nana, I am a lung cancer survivor. This is MY journey!
It is important to note I am Canadian and my medical journey is likely different from what might be experienced in USA.
From December 2016 through August 2017 I saw my family doctor at least 4 times with the same worsening symptoms. Firstly it was a persistent cough and basic unwell feeling. I was told this was a virus that would need to ‘run its course’. The subsequent visits through the winter and spring didn’t give me any clearer answers. A couple of things worth mentioning… each visit saw me losing weight from my original 115 lbs, down at least 5 lbs each visit. I was told to not worry about it, I looked great (can you believe that?). As well, in all these visits, never was a blood test or x-ray ordered. This doctor was more concerned that he not be in the medical group that needlessly ‘used’ the system. His words!
I knew something was wrong. It was not normal to feel what I was experiencing over SO many months. This doctor left me doubting my symptoms, feeling guilty for abusing ‘the system’ with the visits to his office. However, by August 2017 at under 100 lbs I knew I needed real answers. My next appointment was at the same clinic but I requested a different doctor.
He listened to my same story of the past 6 months, he listened to my lungs, he ordered a lung x-ray and within 3 days it was confirmed to be lung cancer.
Shock: I have cancer
Relief: yes its cancer but now something can be done
Anger: at the doctor who didn’t take my symptoms serious enough.
Anger: believing an early diagnosis would have had a different outcome
Overwhelming Sadness: I am 57, I need/want more time with my family, with my friends
More testing and they diagnosed me with Stage 3A Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer… an 8 cm mass in my upper right lung and it had spread to the main lymph. Surgery was not an option at this point, the oncology team recommended chemo and radiation.
Without this recommended regiment they give me 6-9 month survival.
With this regiment my life might be extended by 18-24 months.
November 14, 2017, just turned 58, I bravely showed up for my first of 3 chemo rounds. Not much more than 90 lbs, I innocently thought “no big deal, I can do this!” While that is a great attitude to have, chemo took all my physical and emotional strength. With each round I had to be hospitalized because of uncontrolled nausea and dehydration. My weight continued to plummet. My daily radiation began early December and went through to January 2018. Radiation caused an esophageal stricture, I couldn’t swallow, continue to lose weight, weakness to the point of needing help to walk. Also:
Neuropathy
Brain Fog
Thrush
Pre-chemo meds
Post-chemo meds
Bowel issues
Depression
Anxiety
Insomnia
So much of this time is still a blur and there are parts I don’t remember, a blessing? 97% of patients lose their hair with this particular chemo… I did not! One win for me!
February 2018 I made the decision to enter into Hospice… At 77 lbs I was unable to walk, unable to keep food down, my body had deteriorated to a point I felt I was living in a shell. I knew the care I would now require was beyond that which I wanted to burden any family member with.
Hospice was my best choice… I was cared for physically and emotionally with end of life compassion and council.
I was continuously given anti-nausea and anti-anxiety meds… I believe this allowed my body to rest and begin some healing. As this began so did my will to continue this fight, a desire to live, hope for a future. I was getting stronger.
By the end of April the director of Hospice chatted with me about possibility of going home for a time. More mixed emotions, excited but extremely anxious. I visited ‘home’ to make sure I could manage stairs… If it was once up, once down/day I was good!! Early May I went home with weekly home care visits, blessed to be one of the few who leave Hospice with “Angel Wings”!
Every day I become stronger, every day I choose to live.