choosing to live life, 5 years later...by shay

I haven’t written a blog in a while and after a wonderful night with some of the best gal pas I know, I was inspired to write. To share my feelings and thoughts again. For those of you that may just be finding this blog for the first time, in February of 2016, not even 40 years old yet, I was diagnosed with stage 3 Triple Negative Metastatic Breast Cancer. I know I am a miracle to still be here by the Grace of God. Privileged to say those words I pray that you are able to say those words too someday. Because in saying those words, it means you have learned it is not all about being cancer free, but it is all about living life and not fearing death.

This Thanksgiving I was privileged to be able to surround myself with people whom I adore and love. Each friend having a special place in my heart. As we sat down at our feast, I asked everyone to say what they were thankful for. Family and friends were the consensus. For me it was seeing the smiling faces, hearing the laughter embracing the hugs. This year, it was also to continue feeling grateful of 5 years being cancer free!!! I got to feel my heart beating fast with excitement and be exhausted from 2 days of prepping food for loved ones. 

This Thanksgiving was different because it was the feeling I felt as a little girl watching my dad cook his turkey with excitement and then get to eat it. My dad taught me more than just to cook at an early age. He taught me to ‘love’ through cooking. That love ends up on our table among friends every holiday season. Whether its Thanksgiving or Christmas, through my love of cooking I get to have a yearly ritual of creating a sacred act around great food. Pairing our feast with outstanding drinks and deserts then gathering my people and theirs around our table to share.

It does not matter who the people are the more the merrier in my book! My friends know that if I could live in a castle I would. Not to be queen, but to share, to give and to be among those I love the most. For in that castle would be an exceptionally long table where my loved ones, total strangers, people amid grief, joy, or a standstill in life. An eclectic table of old and new friends, it would not matter to me who was around our table. Just as long as we were all gathered to feast, to have conversations, break bread and toast to another day at life. 

Cancer, the pandemic, and my dad have a lot in common. They all taught me to build a bigger table, gather your loved ones and feed them. Because the most important thing at your table is not the food and beverage, but its life. 

Do not wait for an excuse, because there is one every day in every single headline. Especially now, our society lives and breathes fear. As a cancer survivor, we must remember when one goes through cancer we live in fear, of dying. Heck, in living life after cancer we fear of recurrence. We struggle until we hear the words “you are okay.” 

So, what if this year, today, you choose each day to live in faith? What if you choose to have faith in living? To take that first step in breathing life again it is time to love each other. Now and not later. Tomorrow is never promised. Why not live with no regret. Step out of the darkness and into the light. See smiles and hear laughter again. Invite friends and strangers around your tables and start to move forward. The holidays are such a beautiful and holy way to gather and do this. There is something so healing about sharing a meal together. The very act of sitting down around a table to feast means that everything, and everyone, must stop and be present. It creates a safe space for massive amounts of laughter, a few shedding tears and loads of storytelling past and present. Sitting around a table compels us to truly see into the souls of others. It has the capacity to open hearts, heal wounds, fix broken, reclaim old friendships, destroy tension, and rekindle love. A table which is regularly adorned with food and surrounded by guests has more power to bake love than it does to cook fear. So, this year build a longer table. If you are able to be blessed with food to share surrounded in the wealth of friendships new and old, you get to choose to live at life, isn’t that the best living gift of all? 

Thank you all for your love, prayers, and ultimate support in these past 5 years. I am so dang flipping GRATEFUL! My heart is full. 

Today is not my chemo day- but it is someone’s.

Xo

Shay